Tsunade's Birthday
by Kirara the hyper
Summary: Tsunade comes home after a night of partying to find an unexpected guest. Based off the Song Sex Bomb.


Tsunade in Sex Bomb

Tsunade staggered into her apartment, an empty sake bottle in one hand, and a handful of coasters in the other. It was her birthday and everybody decided to throw their Hokage a party. Then, after that, a select few of everybody took her out and got her totally wasted. She was so drunk, getting hit on by Jiraiya would be like getting hit on by George Clooney. She flipped on the lights, and speak of the devil! Tsunade gasped. Jiraiya was standing right in her apartment, looking sober and serious. She blushed for reasons other than massive alchohol consumption.

"J-Jiraiya!" Tsunade said, her words slurred. "What're you doing here?" Jiraiya didn't respond. He just stood there, looking like he was about to tackle her.

"Hello? Alright, Jiraiya, you're creepin' me out!" Still no response "Answer me, dammit!"

Tsunade was starting to get mad. Then, she noticed how shiny he looked. She approached Jiraiya cautiously...to discover that it was a carboard cutout they used for her birthday party to play Pin-the-Porn-On-Jiraiya! Tsunade laughed (in a drunken, hysterical sort of way)

"Oh my god, I thought you were real!" she said to the cutout. She laughed again. "Y'know, you're missin' your chance, mister!" she proded cardboard Jiraiya's chest. "I'm so drunk, I'm up for anything, right now!" Tsunade stumbled and fell onto the cutout's chest. "Anything!"

The cardboard Sanin didn't respond. Tsunade decided she liked Jiraiya's silence. She started running her fingers on the cardboard man's chest and began to sing.

_"Spy on me baby, use satellite.  
Infrared to see me move through the night"_

Tsunade flipped around and arched her back on the fake Jiraiya, thrusting her chest out._  
"Aim gonna fire, shoot me right.  
Aim gonna like the way you fight"_

To show just how drunk she was, Tsunade spun back around and licked Jiraiya's picture.

_"Now you found the secret code  
I use to wash away my lonely blues well."_

Tsunade giggled at her silliness.  
_"So I can't deny or lie cause you're a  
Sexbomb, sexbomb, youre a sexbomb.  
You can give it to me when I need to come along"_

Tsunade positioned herself in front of the cutout in a way that would give the real Jiraiya a terminal nosebleed.

_"Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're my sexbomb.  
And baby, you can turn me on! Baby, you can turn me on!"_  
Tsunade lowered herself so her face was at the top of cardboard Jiraiya's pants  
_"No, don't get me wrong, ain't gonna do you no harm.  
This bombs made for lovin, and you can shoot it far!"_

She put her lack to the picture's legs, now almost wishing it was the real thing.  
_"Im your main target, come and help me ignite. Ow!  
Love struck, holding you tight."_  
Tsunade leapt up and slammed her hands on either side of the cardboard cutout. She pressed some of her weight on it, now almost aching for the fake Jiraiya to respond.  
_"Make me explode although you know, the route to go to sex me slow.  
I must react to claims of those who say that you are not all that! "  
_She pouted in disappointment when Jiraiya's expression didn't change. She started singing louder (and when you're drunk, that never means better).  
_"Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're a sexbomb!  
You can give it to me when I need to come along!  
Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're my sexbomb!  
And baby, you can turn me on!"_

Tsunade pressed herself onto Jiraiya's picture, now all but whispering.  
_"Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're my sexbomb.  
You can give it to me when I need to come along.  
Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're my sexbomb.  
And baby, you can turn me on._

I think I'll put on a little show for you, Jiraiya. Would you like that?" No response. "Good."

Tsunade layed on the polished floor, outlining her body frame. She started to sing more passionately (again, not the best thing to do when you're wasted).  
_"You can give me more and more, counting up the score!  
Yeah."_ she moaned to punctuate the lyric.  
_"You can turn me upside down, inside out!"_ She brought her hands hard onto the floor to describe her impatiance to the lifeless man.  
_"You can make me feel the real deal!  
And I can give it to you any time because you're mine!" _Tsunade leapt up and slammed cardboard Jiraiya into the wall.  
"Ouch, sexbomb, baby!" she catcalled to the party favor. With a grin, she started grinding on the now crumpled Jiraiya.

_"Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're my sexbomb!  
And you can give it to me when I need to be turned on!"_  
Tsunade licked the picture's collarbone, going all out to end her drunken kareoke.  
_"Sexbomb, sexbomb, you're my sexbomb.  
And baby, you can turn me on.  
And baby, you can turn me on!  
Baby, you can turn me!  
Ooh, baby, you can turn me on turn me on!  
Baby, you can turn me on! Uh, yeah!  
Well baby, you can turn me-_JIRAIYA!" Tsunade shouted as she spun around to see the real Jiraiya standing in her doorway. He was staring at her half-shocked, half-concerned, but totally aroused.

"Um, I left my, uh, jacket...here..." he said sheepishly. He was blushing slightly. Tsunade was as red as a cherry tomato.

"Uh...it's...um...on the coat rack..." she said timidly. He slowly walked over to the rack, his eyes never leaving her. He slid his jacket onto his shoulder and backed away, still staring at Tsunade like she was the craziest/sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

"Uh, do you want me to stay, or should I..." he began.

"You should probably go." Tsunade said awkwardly, holding a hand in front of her face to cover her blush. Jiraiya nodded and turned to leave.

Tsunade went a deep crimson when she heard him mutter "Man, what I'd give to be that piece of cardboard."


End file.
